February 21, 2016

Hi baby,

You had a bad day today. 

You didn't want to talk about it. 

I made you dinner and made sure all your stuffs were ready for the morning. 

Seeing you like this breaks me. You're the strongest, most stable person I know. Depression is a horrible mother fucker. 

It kills me that I can't kiss this away. No matter how many one time limited time offers I give you, no matter how many hugs, cooking dinner in my underwear, games we play... No matter how many times I shake my ass in your general direction.. I'm completely powerless against this. 

But here I am. I'm trying.  

All we can do is ride it out together. So I'll hold your hand, pinch your butt, and rub your back until it feels a tiny bit better. Then we'll just cross our fingers and hope tomorrow will be easier. 

I'm so sorry honey. I'm sorry because now I know how you feel when I'm neck deep in this shit. I'm sorry you have to feel this pain. This nothingness. 

You are my whole world. You are the brightest burning star in the universe. Please get better soon. 

I love you forver, 

Megan

February 29th, 2016

February 6th, 2016

Lately you've been pretty down,

Nothing on your face but a frown :<.

Life is stressful; it fucking sucks,

Especially when we're down on our luck.

Nothing seems fun, you just wanna sleep,

But your wife is bored, and that's not cheap.

Luckily I know just what to do!

Let's get drunk, and you can be my player 2. 💙

February 1st, 2016

Honey you're alone in a crowded room, believe me I'm right there with you.

Surrounded by happiness, love, and warmth, but it just fucking hurts all over. 

Constant weight on your chest that can't be lifted no matter what you do. 

Kicking and fighting to keep your head above water, but it just keeps getting colder. 

Honey, I know it feels hopeless, like this is never going to end.

Just keep pushing, just keep trying, and I'll be here to hold your hand. 

I need you to know no matter how dark it gets, you'll always be my best friend,

and when it gets too heavy, too much, or too hopeless, I'm here to help you stand. 

January 29th, 2016

So you had a shitty day, one worse than all the rest.

To try and help change that, I've prepared a pillow nest.

Get your softest pants on, and get all snuggled in,

Then our “make it better night” is ready to begin.

You can do what you wish, except die on the floor.

To get your mind off it, might I suggest some ps4?

I am here for anything, I can satisfy any needs,

A Pepsi, a beer, some dinner, or maybe a new bag of seeds.

All of this is optional, it’s all up to you.

Whatever you decide just remember, I love you.

January 19th, 2016

To Marcus, with love

This is a visual of my angriness towards you yesterday. 

You: "I like you"

I thought I'd be cheeky and fish for compliments with a "why?"

You responded by shrugging your shoulders and rolling over.

I knifed off your legs in my head.

It's out of love. 

I'll love you forever,

Megan

October 30, 2014

Hi sweetie,

It's a normal morning on the day before Halloween. You're at a skills fair at work, Damen is at school, Kian is napping, and Rylee is digging in the backyard. I am losing my shit while doing the dishes.

We've been back and forth this morning. You're annoyed at me for being crazy.

I'm trying my best to lock this shit in my head and not let it effect you or the kids. I haven't done the best job of that so far, but it is only 9:30. 

Starting right now, I'm taking control of my brain and coming back down to earth. My grief will not ruin this holiday, and I'm so sorry that it's run this past week straight to hell. 

You don't deserve it. You shouldn't have to put up with it.

I love you, please forgive my crazy.